Who I Am or Who Am I?

My name is Mike Walter Ribble. I was born with the name Miles Walter Carrier. I was named after my younger brother’s grandfather (Miles McDonald) and my step-grandfather (Walter James Ribble.) My mother’s name was Sally Lou Carrier and my father’s name was listed as Unknown. I found out, at the age of 18, that my biological father’s name is Bob Black. I was born on February 19, 1971 at the Midland Hospital in Midland, Michigan. I forget the exact time that I was born, but it is listed on a scrap of the only birth document that I possess. It is the bottom of a birth record of my birth date, time, weight, length and a stamp of my right foot. I do know that I was born premature and was jaundice as a baby. I have been told that I had to live the first few days of my life in an incubator and under a bright light. I wonder, if the supposed light one is to see at the end of the tunnel, will bring me full circle to the light at the beginning of my life. I wonder if it’s the same light, I feel, that I still have inside. I also wonder if we are our own light, our own god, our own reality, our own spirit, our own heaven and our own hell.

I was adopted at the age of four (I think.) I was adopted by my maternal grandmother Dorothy Elnora Munger-Carrier-Ribble and my step-grandfather Walter James Ribble. I only knew them as Mom and Dad. They were never grandma or grandpa to me. I am thankful every day that they had taken myself and my brother Robert in. Although it wasn’t perfect and there were many bad things, I am who I am because of it. I am not trying to blame any bad aspects of myself on my childhood, but I am sure there are deep seeded roots there. I don’t have many memories of my childhood. Sometimes a smell or a sound or a dream will bring flashes of it back. I don’t know if I really care that I don’t remember. I do remember the bullying. I was bullied a lot. The bullying started at the end of my seventh grade year. My brother and a kid down the street started a rumor that they caught me masturbating in my room. By the end of school that day, my life had changed. I knew that it wouldn’t get any better. I was the victim. I only knew how to play the role of the victim, for I had never been shown how to be the victor. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I am only saying these things because they are the truth and they are my history.

The bullying was a source of chaos and upheaval for me. It drove a wedge in my family. It made me fight with my brother. I blamed him for it, and I feel I was just in doing so. He spread the rumor, fueled the fire and never had any repercussion. My parents blamed the tension on me, due to my constant fighting with my brother and father. My dad was a bully as well. Eighth grade was hell. I have a few good memories of making apple dolls, wood shop and home economics. The tension at home had gotten so great that I was sent to live with my biological mother Sally and her husband and my little sister. I moved with them to Newark, Delaware in August of 1985. I had to leave behind my friends, my room and my mother. My first day there was a sure sign of what was to come that year. We had driven from Michigan to Delaware with an afternoon stop in New York City. WOW! Here I was, a kid from Sanford in NYC. It was quite a year. A lot of lessons learned and aspects of myself had shifted and changed. I also learned that kids were bullies everywhere.

This is it for today. More to come soon!

One Love and Peace



11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bex
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 19:14:30

    Mike, I know I am going to love your stories. Thank you for sharing. Very awe inspiring!


  2. Bil Barrett
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 19:37:22

    This is so cool. I love you!


  3. Casey Golden
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 20:00:41

    Mike, who you are inside that loveable cuddly body of yours is truly amazing. When I first met you I wasn’t sure where you would fit in in my life. Little did I know that you aren’t the kind of person to “fit in” in ones life. You seep into ones pores. You engulf people with love, kindness, and wisdom. I love you!


  4. janetsanback
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 21:32:11

    You’re awesome, Mike.


  5. Jeff Cottrell
    Sep 23, 2011 @ 13:09:02

    Mike, you forgot to post in your blog!


  6. Jeff Cottrell
    Oct 17, 2011 @ 14:59:05

    So is it only bi-monthly you are going to update your blog? 😉


  7. Jeff Cottrell
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 14:34:44

    Nope, not bi-monthly updates. Looking more like quarterly! hahah


  8. Jeff Cottrell
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 18:03:16

    Quarterly updates? Guess you meant to update twice a year!


  9. Jeff Cottrell
    Jun 15, 2012 @ 12:57:33

    going on nine months now…what an exciting blog!


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